[ The refusal lances into his heart. But he doesn't push it. His hand drops listlessly back to his side as he shudders, shoulders slumping in misery. He'd done it again. Hurt someone so precious to him.

Deserved.

He doesn't deserve Xiao Xingchen's affection, much less love or trust. He doesn't deserve Zichen, either, and yet that Daozhang had married him.

Forgiveness? Breath escapes him explosively. ]

I haven't asked to be forgiven. I don't deserve it.

[ He sinks down to the ground. Discarded just like Jiangzai. Just like his dagger. It's where any dog deserves to be.

But he doesn't look away, even then, neck craning to keep watching the angel who's stalked his dreaming and waking moments.

He takes another breath. ]

But he has been...teaching me. He showed me my core, and his core. Has been teaching me to control my emotions, to better use my core. I'm...calmer. Thanks to him.

W-what do you want me to do, Daozhang? You can stab me. I won't harm you ever again. But I won't leave, either, not unless you tell me to.

[ And then those questions are asked and he makes a pained noise, one hand lifting to reach for Xingchen...only to drop back to the ground where he digs fingers into his thighs. ]

No! You - you healed me - you...saved me...I was...

I wasn't well. I did horrible things and...if I could go back, I would change...so much.

I-I will do anything you tell me to do...I don't care.